Using Social Media without Going to War with Family and Friends

One of my favorite things about living in the future is social media. I have found, rediscovered, and kept so many friends there that my life would be a much emptier place without the Internet.

However, there are plenty of downsides to social media; the primary one is that politics has become so incendiary many people have sworn off it rather than deal with all the vitriol.

So how do you use social media without losing your mind?

First, recognize that there are different types of social media. Facebook is very different from Twitter, and not just in format and capabilities.

• Facebook requires you to prove you are who you say you are and limits you to one personal account.
• Twitter lets anyone play in their sandbox under any name / identity and you can have multiple twitter accounts.

That distinction colors how you can use the two services.

Anything posted to Facebook is obviously from me, so Facebook is where I post about fun things I've done, pictures of family and friends, jokes that amuse me, and Sandra Boynton pictures.

Twitter is where I have an account that is NOT obviously me, so that is where I follow comedians and news reporters and authors as well as We Rate Dogs and Emergency Kittens.

If you'd like to remain on speaking terms with family and friends, avoid politics on Facebook, and don't connect with people on Twitter if their politics makes you angry.

If you have a friend on Facebook who posts things that frustrate you, you can unfollow them (you have the option to snooze for 30 days or unfollow them permanently). This allows you to remain friends with them, but their posts no longer appear in your feed (You can still see their posts if you visit their page directly).

You also have the option on FB of creating a friends list and making posts only to that group of people, so you can share things solely with specific individuals. (I have a friend who uses a group to vent when her in-laws frustrate her; it allows her to lean on her support group, but does NOT accidentally offend her husband and his family.)

I know there is a difference between debate and argument, and there are many people capable of having civilized debate about contentious topics, but the nature of social media often makes it hard to see when someone is joking, and things that are meant kindly can often be taken as insult. If you want to debate contentious topics, use a friends list to do so--or even create a closed Facebook group for those with whom you want to have civil discussions.

Avoid making antagonistic statements to everyone you have friended.

Twitter is a lot like drinking from a fire hose, but the way it's set up means you can create an account that isn't obviously you, or create multiple accounts, which makes it easy to avoid family and friends with whom you disagree. You can also create a locked account, so only people you befriend can read what you share. However, even more so than Facebook, the very nature of Twitter--unfiltered and unrestricted--means you have a very high likelihood of coming across lies, which means you need to cultivate sources of independent news where you can verify what you come across online.

I recommend Snopes for checking the veracity of urban legends, and the Media Bias site if a particular organization keeps coming up with things that seem outlandish or extreme. Chances are, if something seems unlikely--it probably is, and sharing it on Facebook will just irritate the people you love. (This also goes for "Facebook is going to make all your posts public!" It's not true. Don't share it.)

For me, the long and the short of it is life is too short to be angry with people you love, so don't go picking arguments with family and friends on Facebook.

Some non-political Twitter feeds:

@marinamaral2 ‏(Marina Amaral - digital colorist and historian)
@MerriamWebster ‏(Merriam-Webster dictionary)
@RealTimeWWII ‏(News headlines from WW2)
@A_single_bear ‏(A bear)
@FacesPics ‏(Faces in Things)
@MonCoOEM ‏(Monongalia HSEMA/911)

Please also read this bit I posted on the OLLI website on Facebook privacy.